Look At What Happened to Me
by lilaznpinky525
Summary: Cho's POV His death was the cuase of her eating disorder, her less attention from her parents was the cause of her paleness, the less trust she has in her friends was the cause of her tears but his smile, his voice, his kiss, could be her cure...PLZ R/R!
1. Chapter 1

A/N I know that there are some errors and other junk but I wrote this at night and I was really tired and didn't want to fix it and have ya'all read it I'll fix it later :P hope you like!  
  
Barfing, vomiting, throwing up. all the same. all about the same thing.my eating disorder. Yes I put my finger down my throat and try to make myself throw up, because I'm fat. I want to stop but I can't. You think why can't I, I even think why can't I? I mean why can't I just stop and start eating normally and instead of barfing not to. but I can't.its addictive. it usually becomes a routine.it helps me feel better.  
  
I Wish I could but I can't and its hard not to. It's the only thing I have control over in my life. What I eat and when I should just barf it out. It didn't always use to be this way until the accident, yes Cedric's death. I hadn't felt great about anything just moping around sobbing almost everyday. I had even stopped eating.its not like I meant to I mean well its just complicated. Just all of a sudden I realized i had an eating disorder and I couldn't stop. My mind was out of it when it first started I guess I thought it was just away of getting rid of all the feelings I had inside.missing Cedric, never being able to love again, what will I do at school. I felt the whole world went against me and things going my way turned another direction and left my in a pit.  
  
I guess my steak of luck decided to leave me to my most hated Enemy. oh well I had to except it. I began barfing more, I became more petite, and pale.my mother hadn't notice and my father wasn't around long enough to notice. I guess they figured that I was okay and was unhappy with the world taking away my boyfriend. Eating disorders don't just come and go. they either come and stay or you work it out and they go and you go back to the so-called "normal world" but I'm not about to stop.I'm not about to give up the only thing God has given me control over. 


	2. Chapter 2

Before he died everything was well.perfect as anything could be... it was pure bliss. I miss it all. It all gone and I can feel it go away as I barf. Every time I vomit I loose a piece of something special but gain control on something much more, I don't know what it is yet but it feels great.  
  
I'm going to start school soon, yeah good old Hogwarts, the place more of a home to me then my home now. Everybody's more caring. My parents right now are in Bali finding a cure to some disease while I'm here with our butler Jeffery. I had spent most of my summer vacation in my room staring at old photographs of Cedric and I. Looking through all the things we gave to each other in our short amount of time together. It brought back wonderful memories. Memories of our first kiss, memories of our first dance, memories just of his wonderful presence.  
  
"Miss Chang, are you all right?" Jeffery said as he opened my door.  
  
"Just fine Jeffery." I said quickly putting my pictures away.  
  
He came over and sat on my bed, he found a picture of Cedric and sighed. "Oh Cho, I know this must be hard for you but you must move on."  
  
I looked up and him then back down.  
  
"Cho you have to listen to me, I too lost someone dear to me..my son, Charles, but I got over it.although there are still times when I wonder why God had taken him from me but then I realize God might have a greater plan for him."  
  
"Jeffery, I'm so sorry about Charles, but I can't let go of Cedric. I mean I want to its just that I don't know how to." I said now filled with tears in my eyes.  
  
"Cho, you must quickly find away so you can move on and be happy again." He said Jeffery wiping of the tears from my face, "And eat something I see that all this has made you loose your glow and you've become o skinny."  
  
I giggled and then smiled, "Oh thank you Jeffery I don't know what I'd do without you."  
  
"Oh Cho no one would know what to do without me especially that dreadful sister of yours." He got up and gave me a hug. "I'll see you at dinner then in 10 minutes?"  
  
I nodded my head and he left the room.  
  
Dinner, eating, getting fat could I or should I really go out and eat? I thought to myself a lot lately.. I guess I'm the only person my mind would let me count on and for this I've been vomiting.  
  
A/N I know this chapter was short but like I wanted to give you guyz a little bit more cuz the first chapter was short to and now I've ran out of ideas so yeah. if you guyz hav ideas for me e-mail me at lilaznpinky525@yahoo.com and um yeah.. Me go to Washington and with no ideas you'll have to wait till probably.. Well lets just say a long time for the next chapter. And sowie for any mistakes I made! Correct me if you want. 


	3. Chapter 3

Oh God…dinner how awful it was to go out and eat, but then I should do this for Jeffery, I wish I could just stop vomiting afterwards. And he was right I truly have lost my glow...what else is there to say? I lost my beauty. There for I shall never marry.

I went downstairs for dinner, Jeffery had Missy, our house elf, cook all my favorites…but too bad. I wasn't hungry. I fought with myself a lot over this matter as I was walking into the dinning room, Missy had cooked, and if I didn't eat…I would feel bad because she did it all for nothing, but it smelled so good. My temptation was strong…so I just dug in to everything there was there. I took big portions of everything on the table and I was so happy to be eating something so delicious that I haven't eaten since he died. My sister looked at me as if I was some kind of barbarian, as I swallowed down everything on my plate and went for seconds. Jeffery on the other had seemed delighted…it lasted until I felt as if I were about to burst.

We were talking about school supplies and how it was going to be the first year my sister, Mei, that's when I started feeling horribly depressed. Flashes of Cedric came to mind… and I just broke down. I got up in a sharp move and knocked down everything on my side of the table to the floor. Mei looked terrified to hear all the food and plates drop on the floor. Jeffery's smiling face had turned into a look of concern. Right after that I quickly ran up stairs into my bathroom, in my room, I couldn't take it. I hit my stomach as I rammed into my desk. I reached the bathroom, locked the door, and began vomiting. I felt a sense of relief, like all was forgiven. Most of all I felt I had done the right thing letting it all go hurting myself in away I never knew of until a couple of months later. I felt like I should be hurting, that it was wrong for me to be happy...even when eating.

There was a sudden knock on the door.

"Cho are you ok?" Asked Jeffery, his voice full of concern.

My eyes were already filled with tears, "Y-y-yes, I-I-I'm f-f-fine." I said trying to control myself from crying but I couldn't help it. But I cried silently repeating, 'I'm fine' over and over again.

Jeffery eventually left the door, but I knew he wouldn't have if my sister hadn't called him. Still in my bathroom I cleaned up the mess I made, not wanting to have Missy do it. I came out red eyed, and tired.

Jeffery came in, "Cho are you ok dear?" he asked as he put his arms around me.

"Yes, Jeffery I'm fine. Really I am" I lied, putting a smile on my face in reassurance.

"Well then your parents are waiting to talk to you on the phone downstairs." He said letting go and smiling.

I looked at him wondering if he told them what had happen.

"Oh don't worry dear, I didn't tell them." He said giving me a little nudge to go downstairs to the phone. "Now come on you can't keep them waiting on you all day!"

Oh Just in case you'd like to know why my parents are using the phone…it's because my dad is a muggle and he doesn't really want to use magic outside of our house. Jeffery is a muggle too, his been with my dad's family for years and now with ours. He knows what my mother, my sister, and I are and he finds it wonderful…he loves everything about magic, or at least he loves all the good in it.

I got downstairs and found my sister on the phone with them.

"Yea mum, Cho knocked down everything at dinner and then she ran upstairs…" she said and then so my looking at her, "Oh, here mum you can talk to Cho now."

She got up from the couch and looked at my with her big dark brown eyes and handed me the phone, "Thanks Mei," I said taking the phone.

"Hey mum…" I said trying to sound as if nothing happened. Since my parents didn't know I had been starving myself I had to sound cheerful.

"Cho honey, what really happened at dinner?" My mum asked…with much curiosity. 

"Nothing mum, just knocked down a few things…because there was a…bug in my food and I did it want it anymore and it freaked me out…that's all and when I got up everything fell to the ground." I lied

"Are you sure?" She questioned me.

"Yes mum, honest." I lied again.

"Well then, I've got to go, I love you and tell Mei that too…"

"Yes, mum"

"Oh, and Cho…be careful next time and tell Missy to take care of it for you."

"Yes, mum"

"Ok, well then good bye, love you, and will be back as soon as we can definitely before Hogwarts starts."

"Ok, bye mum I love you too."

And _click_, we hung up.

Well…that went well…I suppose. I went up stairs…and fell straight to sleep. 

A/N: Well hey look at that I wrote another chapter…well…I'll be writing the next one. Just a little clue Cho has a 'Dream' with a mysterious guy in it…can you guess who it is?


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